Blog

Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for my large collage (hundreds of small acrylic painted pieces) acrylic painting: “Embraced in Wonderland.” Here's the painting: (SOLD)

I had a patient tell me that his mother hotly demanded this of him this so often he began to believe there really was something deeply wrong with him. It took years for him to work through the misbelief that he was somehow inherently mentally and emotionally impaired. I suggest you never use this statement. It's a demeaning and demoralizing accusation, not a question. Instead [...]

You never? Uh huh. This phrase is a way to shift attention from yourself, your foibles and faults by pointing out the mistake(s) of someone else. When you appraise the sin levels of others you're only making a selfish attempt to feel better about yourself. It smacks of pride. Instead, the beautiful words, "I'm sorry" will go a long way. Before moralizing and boasting, it's [...]

These are comments of indifference. It's like saying you could care less. Instead you might ask some thought-provoking questions like, "What is most important to you in this situation?" "How would such-and-such decision make a difference in your life?" Ask questions to make the people probe themselves. This shows in a caring way that the solutions to their questions are within them. I could have [...]

This is such a popular phrase, what could be wrong with it? But you can do better than that. It's glib and impersonal if you're talking to someone you know and care about. Instead say, "I know you have what it takes." Isn't that much more encouraging? I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: we can't go wrong with those two. Add [...]

These phrases can be off-putting because they're indicating someone's really stupid for not remembering something that was said earlier. Why not be diplomatic and say what you have to say in an interesting new way? Say it new! Also, consider that perhaps the issue you're referring to wasn't resolved and needs more discussion. I could have added more to this list – but I thought [...]

This is a biggie. Never, ever say this. It's saying someone of whatever age they're at are at death's door or somehow total wrecks. Using the qualifier, "for your anything" is so condescending it hurts. No one wants to be smart for a plumber, or pretty for a politician, or brilliant for a housewife, or in great shape for their age. People simply want to [...]

Nobody always or never does anything. People aren't one-dimensional, so it's not a good thing to define them by "always" and "never." These phrases are guaranteed to make someone defensive and closed off to what you want to say. Instead simply point out what the other person's behavior is a problem for you. If the frequency of the behavior is an issue, you can say, [...]