Home Magazine Style 3 2017-02-18T16:36:35-08:00

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #10. “What’s wrong with you?”

    I had a patient tell me that his mother hotly demanded this of him this so often he began to believe there really was something deeply wrong with him. It took years for him to work through the misbelief that he was somehow inherently mentally and emotionally impaired. I suggest you never use this statement. It's a demeaning and demoralizing [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #9. “Well, at least I never – “

    You never? Uh huh. This phrase is a way to shift attention from yourself, your foibles and faults by pointing out the mistake(s) of someone else. When you appraise the sin levels of others you're only making a selfish attempt to feel better about yourself. It smacks of pride. Instead, the beautiful words, "I'm sorry" will go a long way. [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #8. “It’s up to you.” or “Whatever you want.”

    These are comments of indifference. It's like saying you could care less. Instead you might ask some thought-provoking questions like, "What is most important to you in this situation?" "How would such-and-such decision make a difference in your life?" Ask questions to make the people probe themselves. This shows in a caring way that the solutions to their questions are [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #7. “Good luck”

    This is such a popular phrase, what could be wrong with it? But you can do better than that. It's glib and impersonal if you're talking to someone you know and care about. Instead say, "I know you have what it takes." Isn't that much more encouraging? I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: we can't go [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #6. “As I said before. . .” or “We’ve had this conversation before.”

    These phrases can be off-putting because they're indicating someone's really stupid for not remembering something that was said earlier. Why not be diplomatic and say what you have to say in an interesting new way? Say it new! Also, consider that perhaps the issue you're referring to wasn't resolved and needs more discussion. I could have added more to this [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #5 “You look great for your age.”

    This is a biggie. Never, ever say this. It's saying someone of whatever age they're at are at death's door or somehow total wrecks. Using the qualifier, "for your anything" is so condescending it hurts. No one wants to be smart for a plumber, or pretty for a politician, or brilliant for a housewife, or in great shape for their [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #4 “You always … or you never.”

    Nobody always or never does anything. People aren't one-dimensional, so it's not a good thing to define them by "always" and "never." These phrases are guaranteed to make someone defensive and closed off to what you want to say. Instead simply point out what the other person's behavior is a problem for you. If the frequency of the behavior is [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #3 “You were too good for him anyway.”

    Ouch. This implies the person who has just severed a relationship, personal or business, has awful taste and made a stupid choice in the first place. Instead, make a comment like, "His loss!" This provides support and optimism without any implied criticism. I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew [...]

    IF I COULD SAY IT OVER AGAIN #2 THE “WOW YOU LOST A TON OF WEIGHT!”

    Sounds like a compliment, I know, but it could create the impression that the person used to be really fat or unattractive. Better to say, "Wow, you look fantastic!" That way you're not commenting on how the person used to look and you're taking the past out of the picture. I could have added more to this list – but [...]

    Death & Life

    This week I learned of a beautiful young woman who leapt from an interstate overpass bridge onto the concrete pavement below. Her intention was suicide -- but she didn't die. At this writings she and her shattered body are lying in pieces in a Minneapolis hospital, but she's alive. I'm dedicating this blog to her and proclaiming Ezekiel 37:5 over [...]

    On Writing

    Wow. I just finished writing a new book called WALK WITH ME, JESUS (release date: 11/15) It was an amazing experience for me, just like the two TALK TO ME, JESUS books have been for me to write. If you haven't gotten your copy the TALK TO ME, JESUS Journal or 365-Day devotional yet, they are books written in the [...]

    Wordpress News

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    July 15th, 2016|908 Comments

    Look What I won at the Del Mar [...]

    “People’s Choice Award”

    July 15th, 2016|82 Comments

    Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng

    North Coast Repertory Theatre Solana Beach CA Painting in Exhibition to celebrate new production of “Ain’t Misbehavin”

    July 14th, 2016|449 Comments

    Herbert T. Turner Gallery, Del Mar, CA 4 paintings of my paintings are in the exhibition Opening Reception July 23 1-5 PM

    Photography News

    1507, 2016

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for [...]

    1507, 2016

    “People’s Choice Award”

    Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng

    Creative News

    1507, 2016

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for [...]

    1507, 2016

    “People’s Choice Award”

    Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng

    Video News

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    July 15th, 2016|908 Comments

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for [...]

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the [...]

    “People’s Choice Award”

    Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng

    Off Beat News

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    July 15th, 2016|908 Comments

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for [...]

    Marie Wins Award At Del Mar Fair

    Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the [...]

    “People’s Choice Award”

    Here’s me with Dave Roberts, Del Mar’s Supervisor receiving the” People's Choice Award" for my painting, “Lost in the Woods” at the Turner Gallery in Del Mar Here’s the paintng