I had a patient tell me that his mother hotly demanded this of him this so often he began to believe there really was something deeply wrong with him. It took years for him to work through the misbelief that he was somehow inherently mentally and emotionally impaired. I suggest you never use this statement. It's a demeaning and demoralizing [...]

You never? Uh huh. This phrase is a way to shift attention from yourself, your foibles and faults by pointing out the mistake(s) of someone else. When you appraise the sin levels of others you're only making a selfish attempt to feel better about yourself. It smacks of pride. Instead, the beautiful words, "I'm sorry" will go a long way. [...]

These are comments of indifference. It's like saying you could care less. Instead you might ask some thought-provoking questions like, "What is most important to you in this situation?" "How would such-and-such decision make a difference in your life?" Ask questions to make the people probe themselves. This shows in a caring way that the solutions to their questions are [...]

This is such a popular phrase, what could be wrong with it? But you can do better than that. It's glib and impersonal if you're talking to someone you know and care about. Instead say, "I know you have what it takes." Isn't that much more encouraging? I believe the key is discernment. Discernment with genuine thoughtfulness: we can't go [...]

These phrases can be off-putting because they're indicating someone's really stupid for not remembering something that was said earlier. Why not be diplomatic and say what you have to say in an interesting new way? Say it new! Also, consider that perhaps the issue you're referring to wasn't resolved and needs more discussion. I could have added more to this [...]

This is a biggie. Never, ever say this. It's saying someone of whatever age they're at are at death's door or somehow total wrecks. Using the qualifier, "for your anything" is so condescending it hurts. No one wants to be smart for a plumber, or pretty for a politician, or brilliant for a housewife, or in great shape for their [...]

Nobody always or never does anything. People aren't one-dimensional, so it's not a good thing to define them by "always" and "never." These phrases are guaranteed to make someone defensive and closed off to what you want to say. Instead simply point out what the other person's behavior is a problem for you. If the frequency of the behavior is [...]

Ouch. This implies the person who has just severed a relationship, personal or business, has awful taste and made a stupid choice in the first place. Instead, make a comment like, "His loss!" This provides support and optimism without any implied criticism. I could have added more to this list – but I thought these ten were enough to chew [...]

Sounds like a compliment, I know, but it could create the impression that the person used to be really fat or unattractive. Better to say, "Wow, you look fantastic!" That way you're not commenting on how the person used to look and you're taking the past out of the picture. I could have added more to this list – but [...]

We're so intent on our own personal agendas that we're out to lunch when it comes to social awareness. I gleaned most of the following from an article by Dr. Travis Bradberry. In his company's testing of emotional intelligence of people, the most seriously lacking skill they found was social awareness. I call this lacking discretion, diplomacy, or discernment. (The [...]

This week I learned of a beautiful young woman who leapt from an interstate overpass bridge onto the concrete pavement below. Her intention was suicide -- but she didn't die. At this writings she and her shattered body are lying in pieces in a Minneapolis hospital, but she's alive. I'm dedicating this blog to her and proclaiming Ezekiel 37:5 over [...]

Look What I won at the Del Mar Fair! It’s a ribbon and award from the California  Center for the Arts in Escondido, CA for my large collage (hundreds of small acrylic painted pieces) acrylic painting: “Embraced in Wonderland.” Here's the painting: (SOLD)